Here’s the intelligent post: Don’t take it personally.

This piece is the devotion I was privileged to share yesterday at our church staff meeting.

I had a lousy day yesterday…I mean, a REALLY bad day. It ended up OK, but the majority of it was pretty rotten. I don’t need to get into details…but it was one of those days that puts marriages and families on the rocks. I’m thankful that our marriage is built on THE Rock and has the foundation to stand through times like yesterday.

The issue, as a few of you may have gathered from an email you received from me, revolved around the discipline of children—though the issue had not yet come to a head when I sent that email. After all of the dust had pretty much settled from the day, Elicia and I were talking it over and I said, “The thing is, I’ve got to learn not to take it personally when the kids misbehave. It’s not like they’re intentionally out to hurt me. On the other hand, it also speaks well of the depth of love I have for them that they are able to hurt me so deeply.”

It seemed like a good topic to discuss today…not child rearing, per se, but relationships and hurt.

We take a lot of things personally in a context like ours here. The team here at First Assembly is far closer than many other church staffs. We like to think of ourselves here as family, not just coworkers or even friends. This fact alone is one of the biggest reasons I was excited to return to Yankton. But as you all know, in the context of family sometimes you really just want to kill each other. Those of you here who worked in close contact with me while I was a part of the pastoral team here know exactly what I’m talking about…because I’m pretty sure there were times when some of us were ready to throttle each other. But the fact that we’re all still family today speaks of the depth of our love for each other, and of Jesus’ love for us.

A few weeks ago, Pastor Randy put out a piece in the bulletin about using care not to fight in front of your children. It’s great advice, because not only does it create feelings of insecurity in children, but also we often say things in an argument that we maybe don’t mean…or at least that we don’t mean the way they come across. Why is this? Because, our feelings get hurt due to the depth of our relationship and we end up reacting out of those hurt emotions rather than out of our understanding of the other individual. It’s easy to feel abandoned by those you love in those times, but it’s important to remember that the issue would not even exist if the other person didn’t care about you. The opposite of love is not hate and anger; it is indifference. I’ve never been hurt by someone with whom I had no relationship. Sometimes, we have to learn to not take things personally. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” It’s important to understand that this verse isn’t advice to avoid vulnerability at any cost. It’s advice to use a filter…to look deeper…to remember relationship…and to consider intentions.

Rather than putting our guard up against relationship and being defensive, it’s critical that we use what we know about the other party and consider their intentions…because folks’ actions often don’t represent their intent very well. We have to learn to see each other they way that Jesus sees us…which is admittedly easier said than done when someone says something that you find hurtful. I’m thankful that the Lord is able to discern the thoughts and intentions of my heart (Heb 4:12). Not only does this mean that He can see through my façade when I’m being superficial, but it also means that He can see my true good intentions when my actions don’t represent them so well. When conflict arises among people in relationship, it’s important that we step back and ask the Lord to give us some of His insight into their heart. We need to seek to understand their true motives. Guard your heart, because sometimes people are just creeps. But also guard your heart against the temptation to jump to conclusions about those you love—even people in this team here. Sometimes, the best advice is simply, “Don’t take it personally. They didn’t really mean it that way.”

New jewelry

Ok, so we’ve got our website and shop up and running for Scraps & Jewels! I’m pretty excited…just put up 3 pieces in our online shop…go take a look! And posted a lil blurb on our website…which you should also look at b’cuz you’re my friend. 8P

Let me know what you think…I’m planning to have at least one more piece done before the end of the week.

And no, this wasn’t the “intelligent” post either.

Back Again…

Hi, it’s me. We have a lot of catching up to do. I’m not posting on the other blog…I decided to let it go, largely for technical reasons. Honestly, Blogger is just a whole lot easier to work with.

I’m in Nebraska now, on to the next chapter. Looking to get back in to ministry, somehow. Taking care of mom-in-law. Trying to focus on being a dad and a husband, pretty much. And a child of God…that’s probably the toughest job of all.

I’m making jewelry now, as well. Hoping to make some spare cash (whatever that is) on the side. I’ll keep you posted on that, as I’ll be starting a new blog for our little side business.

My goal for this year is to write at least one intelligent post for this blog per week. This isn’t that post for this week, just so you know. :-)

New Blog, New Stuff, New Day...

Hey, I'll make this quick and not waste your time. Some time ago, I tried to start a weblog called "Re:thinking." What I was trying to do with "The Gateway" is long past...so I'm trying to restart "Re:thinking." I'd love it if you'd join me. There's not much there yet, but I'm trying to discipline myself to be a good blogger and actually get some content on there. I'll probably move some of my old talks over there, and a few posts from here that are worth keeping around.

Join me at "Re:thinking."

Bloom Where You're Planted

So, I'm going to try for a kind of a stream-of-consciousness thing here. It's extremely late, and I'm very tired and in desperate need of sleep (I have to work tomorrow), yet I feel compelled to write. Perhaps it's the discipline of the thing. Perhaps I'm a glutton for punishment.

It's probably the latter.

Regardless, I'm here. The time is insane. And I'm writing.

I don't even know what I should write.

Perhaps it's about conflict. Lots of that nowadays.

I've been pretty conflicted lately--about, y'know, stuff. I've got a decent job, but I'm not sure I want to be a manager at a pizza joint for all of my life. Perhaps owning one wouldn't be bad, but being a manager--well... It's not the job. It's the stature, I guess. I get somewhat ashamed to tell people what I do for a living...not sure why.

"Hey, my name is Sam."

"Hi, Sam. I'm Tory. So, what do you do?"

"Well, I'm a high-level-and-extremely-well-paid computer tech at State Farm." (Everyone here works for State Farm, except for me. I just feed them.) "And you?"

"I'm an...astrophysicist. Yeah."

"Really, here? Where do you do that around here?"

"I'm on...sabbatical. Yeah. Advanced brain work, heh, it's a recipe for burn-out, you know? So, I decided to take a break and...I'm filling in as a manager at a pizza joint. Yeah."

"So, how much longer will you be on sabbatical?"

"Umm...for...a...while...yet."

Bloom where you're planted, Sherlock. Bloom where you're planted.

The problem is that I really don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I spent about a decade as a pastor--and about half of that was a good experience. The other half was something akin to living in the bottom of a baby's diaper...but I won't go there (for the sake of time).

So, let's do a little inventory. Years and years ago (yes, I'm getting older), I could program computers. I do some desktop publishing and web design (basic stuff--nothing modern). I can fix computers. I've been a "professional" pastor. I do customer service. I've been a recording artist and record producer. Now, I'm a manager at a pizza joint. Oh, and I did oil changes and tire repairs as a teenager.

I'm a jack of all trades and a master of none.

Now, what do I like to do? Well, the common thread through there is computers, but I really prefer the creative stuff to the mundane. Specifically, I'm into "usability" and "human user interfaces" on anything from computers to toasters. I'm very passionate about mobile tech--especially the kind that gets work done. I like to cook really good food. And I like art of all kinds. I'm into faith--but the practical kind that people can really use. Oh, and I like to write.

What does it all add up to? A mess, that's what. One big, funny mess.

So, I've thought about going back to school for programming--but the barrier is money and time (kids and wife...gotta take care of them, too).

I've thought about culinary arts school--but don't want to sell my soul to a restaurant.

And I've thought about going back into ministry, professionally--but I'm not sure that's where I'd be truly happy, either.

Writing. Yeah, right.

My conclusion? For now, I guess, I should bloom where I'm planted. And figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm tired of bouncing around, trying things. I'd really like a career that's dynamic, consistently challenging, and lucrative. Ministry fits some of those things, but carries with it a series of headaches I'm not sure I want to deal with. And it's rarely lucrative.

Severiously!

I like this...I think I might start using it. Like, "I severiously want my kids to behave!"

Read more here:
jkOnTheRun: Coffee break- overheard in Starbucks

Being Reverent

"In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence." Hebrews 5:7, ESV

Reverence. It seems like a lost art these days. Really, there are two extremes. The first is that God is so revered and holy that we forget that He actually wants to be our friend. The second extreme is that we treat God as if he's our buddy, and forget that He's still God.

What really strikes me here is:

1. Jesus prayed. While on Earth, He talked to the Father on a regular basis. The Son of God Himself brought his needs and concerns (supplications) to the Father;
2. Jesus was passionate. This was no sedate prayer, no murmur, no mumbling under the breath. Those were "loud cries" and tears. I'll be frank: my spirituality has been so neutered by western Christianity that I have trouble being that passionate about God. I can be that passionate about my marriage, but not my faith. Ouch, that hurts.
3. BUT, Jesus was heard because of His reverence, ultimately. It was because of how He approached the Father that His prayers were heard. To shed a little light on this, understand that the other correct cultural rendering of the Greek word eulabeia (rendered as "reverence") is "caution." My point: Jesus wasn't flippant. He was respectful. He was careful about how he approached the Father.

Americans hate accountability.

Americans hate accountability. It's a fact. Point-in-case: tonight at work, I began to implement a new system designed to give accountability to the kids on our crew to be sure they do their work. Our goal is to raise our standard of customer service and help people do their jobs better. As things stand now, there is really no way to put the spotlight on those who work poorly, because everything just is thrown into a "big pot." It's the classic, "Somebody should do these things; anybody could do them, but nobody did." We're aiming to identify somebody, anybody, and nobody.

The system is simple: it's a list of tasks for each job area. The crew person will simply initial each task as it's completed. If their doing their jobs, it's really no big deal, except for one detail...

Did I mention that Americans hate accountability?

Yeah, there's the problem. Tonight was a "dry run;" it didn't matter, as I was only looking for help getting the list to a place where it is simple and concise. I approached three different employees, asking them for help. "Just go through the list as you do your tasks tonight and see if I missed anything or if anything is unclear. Leave some feedback on the paper if there's anything that needs changed."

One guy got out his cigarette lighter and was going to burn it.

Another person balked, told me that they were insulted, and then tried to get me to reassign the tasks on their list to other employees. (I wonder why they balked...hmmm...)

Ironically, the only person who didn't object is the person who had extra work added to his responsibilities. He was very agreeable. Of course, he's also in a position where his primary job may prevent him from completing the list--and that's just the way it is. There's nothing we can do to change that.

But I think the bottom line is this: people hate knowing somebody is watching. I know I do. Sometimes we avoid situations we should really be involved with because we don't want to feel "inspected." I think about my life--I don't want my pastor or my wife to know that I almost looked at some things online I shouldn't have last night. (No, it wasn't porn...but it was bad enough.) And if I tell them (of course, now I just told the world...), then I'll feel like they're looking over my shoulder every time I turn around. Of course, if they're looking over my shoulder, that probably means they are also watching my back. My honesty keeps me accountable--and that causes me to avoid stupid things because I know somebody's going to check me out.

My dad once said, "Locks keep honest people honest." Somebody who is going to do the wrong thing will do it, regardless of their situation. Accountability is like a lock; it helps protect us from ourselves.

An insomniac's dream...

I'm sitting here, up again. I should be sleeping.

A few updates are in order. A few weeks ago, I struggled with knowing how we were going to make it...money looked too tight. So, I "threw it up" and hoped for the best. I guess if I were being honest, I'd have to say that I really didn't expect any results.

I'm really glad that God doesn't cater to our expectations, aren't you?

So, about a week later, I received a call from my boss at Godfather's--offering me a significant promotion and increase in pay. So much so, that I could quit my other job and have just one place of employment for the first time in about three years! So, for the last week, I've been "officially" one of the full-time managers at Godfather's Pizza in Normal, IL. Sounds like it's not so great, but really, it is. Here's why:
- I'm enjoying it. (Can't put a price on that.)
- It's flexible.
- It's salary, so it's steady income.
- The owner, who is actively involved in the business, is a Christ-follower.
- His goal is to get me back into ministry.

(Ever feel like you've been set up???)

So, life is pretty good. My mood is better. I can relax at home now, which is significant. I left Office Depot, one of the biggest sources of stress in my life, and didn't look back. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have had the job when I needed it. But this situation is far, far better. Plus, I'm in the lead in an organization again, where I feel like I can really make a difference. It's the first time in a few years that I've been able to say that.

Other than that...

I've been asked by my pastor to:
a) travel as a sponsor to a youth retreat in Wisconsin in a few weeks.
b) accompany him to Anaheim, CA to the Vineyard National Conference.

Feeling good...and the picture is finally beginning to become clearer. And that feels good, too.

Thanks for the good stuff, Lord.

Trusted Computing?

I'm on a bit of a crusade against Windows Vista. One of the many issues has to do with Trusted Computing...yet another form of DRM. Basically, between DRM and Trusted Computing, you--as the user and owner of content--lose the right to decide what you want to do with it.

Watch this for more:

a letter from a friend...I almost cried

I got a lengthy email today from my good friend, Matt Morrison, whom I left back in South Dakota. Matt is a great guy, a fellow emergent-type-church-person, and the worship leader at Mercy Church in Sioux Falls. Anyway, he wrote me this great, encouraging email--probably one of the nicest letters I've ever received. He has been/is where we are now, in terms of feeling led somewhere but not necessarily seeing the path after having made the jump. He has a unique perspective on our situation, and I was really touched by the time he took to write. I almost cried.

Proverbs 25:25 is a truth: "Like a cool drink of water when you're worn out and weary is a letter from a long-lost friend." (The Message) It was just what I needed, Matt. Thanks for caring!

the problem with sickness

I mentioned earlier that my wife is in very bad shape right now. As I think about Jesus in the Gospels, and the way He intended for us to be - naturally supernatural - I struggle a bit with my wife's illness. This disease is, according to the earthly doctors, chronic and incurable. I know that's not the final word...but here we are. Struggling. It doesn't seem fair that a beautiful, 30-year-old woman should have to deal with these things. Granted, others have dealt with far greater tragedy than this--but that doesn't make it any easier.

Do we lack faith? I mean, it's pretty consistent through the Gospels that Jesus heals on the basis of two things: His discretion, and faith...mostly the second. In Mark 1:40-45, we read the account of a leper who came to Jesus, saying, "If you choose, you can make me clean." We see both elements at work there--the leper believed in Jesus' ability to cleanse him. And because of his faith, Jesus chose to deliver. So, I wonder if we lack faith for healing today. Do we even understand what it means to have faith for healing?

Sometimes it seems as though we humans--and especially we USAmericans--define ourselves by our pain and suffering. We do scores of things to hurt ourselves and then use that as the framework for the, "this
is why I am the way that I am" discussion. I guess my question is, "Do we even want to be healed?" There's no pity, no handouts, far fewer excuses if we are healed. Yet when Jesus swept into people's lives, that just what he did--He healed them.

So, the bigger question becomes...do we really know Jesus? Are we really living in the kingdom?

It's been a long time...

It's been awhile since I've blogged, so I figure it's time to get back into the habit again. A lot has happened since I last wrote.

• We've moved again. This time into permanent housing. We are living in Bloomington now (Normal's sister city...it's inevitable that we couldn't stay in "Normal" for long...).
• We have a church. We are a part of the Bloomington Vineyard (www.vcfbn.org). The pastor and I have become great friends; it's been loads of fun to be on the "other side" of the pulpit and try to be the kind of parishioner I always wished I'd had myself.
• I am working two jobs. (boo, hiss...) I'm almost-full-time at Office Depot, doing tech sales. I'm also a manager at Godfather's Pizza in Normal. One or the other will turn full-time eventually, so I covet your prayers in that area. My hope is that the income from one job will make the other unnecessary.
• My wife is not well. For those who don't know, my wife is afflicted with a neuromuscular disease commonly called CMT (Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease). Technically, it is known as sensory-motor neuropathy. Basically, it causes her excruciating pain in her muscles, particularly her arms, back, and lower torso. For the last week, she's been the worst I've ever seen her. I'm so grateful for the wonderful people in our church, as meals have been provided when I'm working, so the kids don't have to fend for themselves. By evening she just doesn't have the fine motor skills or endurance to cook a meal. We covet your prayers for her.
• Me, I'm still just out here trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. God brought us here to Illinois, but I'm still not sure what He has in store for us. I suppose He'll reveal that as we go--I'd probably run away if He told me up-front.

My email address has not changed, so if you've got it, write. Or you can post a comment here.

I once aspired to be a writer...

I once aspired to be a writer. It's true. I had these grandiose visions
of writing the Great American Novel...or something like that. It
probably wouldn't have been a novel. But that begs the question: why
write? I mean, I used to think I had something to say. Typically, I
wrote when I had an axe to grind. News flash: nobody wants to read that
stuff. On the other hand, what else do I have to say? What would be my
motivation for writing?

You know, I'm not sure what I have to say. I've wondered if I don't need
to try my hand at fiction...perhaps short stories. I love the works of O
Henry and Poe (I know...complete opposites...I'm schizo like that). But
there again, why write? I have trouble writing without purpose. I think
it's that strong “Christian� ideal I've had instilled in me; you know,
the concept of an agenda-oriented life. Everything I say and do must
have a point, a message. I have to be trying to communicate something.
There is no such thing as art for art's sake. It has to have a message
behind it...or inside of it...or hidden. Or something.

But then I wonder, is it possible to write without a message. Doesn't
everything one composes have an element of himself in it? When I write,
how can I not say what I want to say?

So, I once aspired to be a writer. For now, I think I'll just write.

Just a test...

....post via Blogmailr. :)

Bad blogger...no cookie!

I just realized that my last post is horribly out-of-date. I apologize--life has been rather.... oh, wait.... that was supposed to get better here, wasn't it? My bad...

Jobs: I am officially employed full-time-plus (probably 55-60 hours per week). I'm not thrilled about this (the "plus" part), but we'll need the money for start-up. I am a shift manager at Godfather's Pizza in Normal, and a Tech Sales associate at Office Depot, also in Normal. I'm well-into the job at GP, but will be starting at Office Depot on Monday night. Still, I'll be home before 1 AM from either job, so that's a real plus.

Church: ClearView Church is a great place, but not the best for us. We have some needs as a family, and it's time that I start putting them ahead of some of my idealism. CVC is a fairly new work, and my kids and wife need something solid now. That, and they just left the Vineyard. God brought us to IL to work with the Vineyard, so we need to stick to that. I didn't realize that it was that big of a deal until our first Sunday at the Bloomington Vineyard church. After our second visit, we knew that it was to be our church home. Not only that, but in visiting with the pastor, it seems that perhaps we were moved here to work with this church. I'm not going to jump to conclusions, but I do know that both Pastor David and I left our meeting very excited. I'm looking forward to chuch tomorrow--and it's been a very long time since I've had that feeling.

College ministry: on-hold. My meeting with Andrew went well, but we're just not there right now. We need to be focused on being grounded in a local church (the aforementioned Vineyard) before we do anything else. I suspect that future mission will probably spring from that association, rather than Young Life. I like YL, and love Andrew and his heart--but God has called me to the local church, and to work from that context. So, as frustrated as the church makes me at times (not the Vineyard, but church-in-general), it's where I am to be. "I don't wanna be a Jo-nah..."

I think that brings everything from my previous post up-to-date.

A few thoughts before I sign off...

I'm thinking of beginning to post some of my past teaching on this blog. I did that awhile back, and am feeling that perhaps it's time to dust some of this stuff off and get it out there.

Pray for us. I sense a new ministry beginning...don't know too much about what we'll be doing. But we're here, and we're available to do whatever the Lord wants. But I sense a stirring.

It feels good.

An opportunity...

"Today you have been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, an opportunity that few receive. Don't waste it."

That was what I felt the Lord speak to me yesterday.

Hey, at least I felt the Lord speak to me again. We're gaining.

We are in Normal.

Today we will attend Clear View Church, which is not the church we originally intended to join. For a number of reasons, none of which are against the Urbana Vineyard, it doesn't look like we will land there after all. Time will tell, but at this point we are really feeling drawn to Bloomington-Normal and U of I. It's interesting how, when you try to "back away" from these things that ministry comes looking for you. At any rate, things are going well. I expect to be up to 100% capacity today, perhaps for the first day since we arrived. We got here Monday afternoon, and I got sicker than a dog--I suppose, lack of sleep. Anyway, it was a good 3 days before I could even function normally. But now things seem to be better.

So, we're headed to CVC today, which is a fairly new Vineyard plant. Technically, it's the Normal Vineyard, but it's located in the Castle Theater in Bloomington right now. That's cool--it should be a nice environment for church. Krispy Kremes, bagels, coffee, and Jesus. Should be a nice time.

In other news, I've been invited to participate with a new pomo-focused service at Grace Church here in Normal, which is the independent quasi-Baptist-but-not-really Christian church where our gracious hosts, the Beaty's, attend. They're looking for help, and I've got the experience, so one of the lead guys invited me to help yesterday.

I'll be meeting with Andrew Beaty, who is the area director for Young Life (as well as being one of my best friends), this week concerning what Young Life is doing on college campuses. YL is a great ministry, although I sometimes prefer a little more direct approach. BUT, college YL could be a whole different issue, because we can help deal with some issues. We'll see what happens. A reality: I'll probably have to continue with my degree in order to get some credibility. OTOH, being a student where I minister couldn't hurt, either.

I think I'm going to apply for a job at Office Depot this week, just to have something. I may have a position as a shift supervisor at Godfather's Pizza, part-time, but that still remains to be seen. If so, great. If not, well, then I won't get tired of Godfather's. :-)

If you have our info, know that our cell numbers remain the same for now, so you can still reach us. I normally don't like calls after 9 pm, but on weekdays they are free if you don't have Verizon (free all the time if you use Verizon wireless), so call after 9 pm. Weekends are free all the time, so that's a good time to reach us. If you head to www.myspace.com/elempoimen, you can get my address. (Note: you'll have to register. Sorry, but I don't want to broadcast my stuff across the Internet.)

On Starting Over...

You know, I'm really not that scared anymore. Maybe part of it is that I realize the inevitability of our relocation and new life. The wheels are set in motion, and it's really too late to stop them now. Not that I really want to stop them, mind you. Change is never easy, and change for the sake of change is just plain dumb.

But this isn't that.

For me, this move is more about starting my family. "What?" you ask. "Don't you already have a family? Doesn't four kids qualify as a 'family'?" Well, yes. It exists, but I've not really been part of it. I've been the sometimes-benevolent dictator of the home--the final authority. But "being there" is not something that's come as a part of that process. I'm too tired. I'm too busy. I'm too...occupied. The cobbler's children have no shoes. The preacher's children have no dad. It's not that I sacrifice them for the ministry--it's just that I have to work so much to stay "in the ministry" that we lose so much of what makes us a family. Yeah, there were other alternatives. We chose Illinois. Why? It seemed right...and my kids need a dad.

So, we're going to move out there and get a job. What stops this from happening again? It's simple, really. My reason for working changes. No longer will I work to support my ministry, as I've done for many years. I will work to support my family. I will work to afford vacations and fun...and to support ministry. Yes, we'll still do ministry. But it won't be my primary reason for being. My reasons will change. I will be...

• A child of God. His son.
• A husband to my wife. Yes, honey, we will date. :-)
• A be-there dad for my kids.
• A friend. This is something I've never been good at. My thanks goes out to all of my friends over the years that I've totally neglected. I love all of you and miss you all--thank you for sticking with me even when I was a lousy friend in return.
• A life-minister of the Gospel. When you nail down a definition for that, let me know. For now, I'm just going to try doing it.
  

So, that's why I'm moving to Illinois. And I'm not scared anymore because all that stuff sounds like an immense amount of fun. And doing ministry because I want to...the idea just thrills me to no end. No paycheck. No board. Just Jesus, the community, and me.

Yeah, I'm liking that.

On Getting Warped...

I've long harbored sick fantasies of becoming an OS/2 user...like for about 12 years now. Yeah, that's pretty warped...no pun intended. (If you don't get it, you don't need to.) Well, a few days ago I came across a copy and thought, "Finally, here's my chance!"

As the story goes, OS/2 was designed to be the successor to the original DOS. It started out with Microsoft in bed with IBM to make it happen. Someplace along the line, MS decided they'd had enough and got out. Maybe it was the money.

After using OS/2 for a couple of days, I suspect it was more than the money.

OS/2 is a bizarre combination of usability features that make good sense and being completely unusable for all but the most seasoned of users. It's easy to see why Windows won, especially with the advent of Windows 95. Yes, to be sure, Microsoft took a lot of great ideas from OS/2. But also to be sure, Microsoft added a great deal of value to that just previously wasn't there. As the story goes, what was to become OS/2 ended up becoming Windows NT. And if you know anything about the lineage of Windows, long down the line, Windows NT became Windows XP. Techincally, XP is like NT version 5.5 or something like that.

So, at the end of the day, I'm still a Windows user. It does everything I need it to with a minimum of hassle. Heck, I had problems even installing software in OS/2. Granted VMWARE emulation adds a little twist--but I had OS/2 freeze up on me about as many times in 2 days as I've had Windows freeze up in the last two years. And all I was trying to do was browse files!

Anyway, it's late and I need to get to bed.

Insomnia, Transition, and Legacy Software

It's about 6 AM on Sunday morning. And I haven't had a wink of sleep since 10:45 last night. I'd go get some now, but I'm afraid it would make things worse. You know how it is sometimes when it's better that you don't sleep at all? Still, I'm sitting here struggling with IBS cramps, having just finished my work for this morning. Why didn't I sleep? Well, I started out just not being able to, but ended up just working pretty solidly. Saturday was a waste of a day. I couldn't get up until noon, was still exhausted, and just couldn't get focused on anything until late. I hate not going to bed with my wife, but I guess that's just the way it's going to be until after the transition.

Ah, yes. The transition.

Three weeks now until I'm done at Citibank. And two more Sundays at New Hope. (I'll work at Citibank for 5 days beyond my time at New Hope.) Then, our schedule gets a little fuzzy. At some point, we'll visit some family in Montana, and then...it's off to Illinois. We'll be in Normal with our friends/family, the Beaty's, for probably 8-12 weeks, I figure. I need to find stable employment before we can apply to Rural Development for a house loan. We were looking at Rantoul, but are now thinking perhaps that closer to Normal is a good thing. And we're looking more at a rural home. We'd like to begin breeding Newfoundlands here in a year or two, and so the country would be a better place for us. Eventually, I'd like to get into freelance programming so I can work from home.

What about the ministry?

Funny you should ask. We're just not sure what's going to happen. It's on hold for now until I get clear marching orders. Well, that's not totally true--because we'll continue to minister wherever we are, but I just won't be an official "pastor." Happy (the pastor at the Vineyard in Urbana) has indicated that he'd like to see us get involved with small group ministry, so I'll have to get ahold of Jim Egli once we get there to see what opportunities exist.

Of course, we need a house first.

Details, details...

Things to pray about:
- My health. I'll be just barely surviving this next three weeks. I'm in rough shape, physically. I'm very tired and just can't do anymore without supernatural intervention.
- My wife. For the reasons above, she's having to bear a heavier load than I care to see her bear.
- Housing. The Lord has the right thing, in His time. Who knows what our little communal experiment might bear?
- Transportation. We've run up a horrible bill at the mechanic, and the van's not fixed. We are having some kind of obscure fuel problem. I'm going to call him again on Monday to see if he's made any progress in deciphering what could be wrong, and maybe seeing what can be done to cut down our exorbitant bill.
- Time. We still need to seriously get packing. There's just been no time.

BUT, in the answered prayer department:
Shaianne took another hard blow to her nose--and I *know* it was broken again on Monday. Tuesday was Independence Day, so we could do little with it, but I was praying and really engaging my faith. I was disappointed that it wasn't "all better" on Tuesday morning...but we didn't give up. Finally, after a wild-goose chase on Wednesday (long story...), she got to see the doctor on Friday morning. Guess what? It wasn't broken! I'm completely convinced that prayer did the trick, becuase by Friday the nose was no longer crooked!

In other news, let me tell you about the environment in which I am typing this lengthy post (written earlier):

Ok, so this is about as basic as it gets. There's something delightfully nostalgic about typing this document in Word for DOS, even though I never really used it. I was a WordPerfect devotee, myself. In fact, I should see if my old WordPerfet 5.1 disks even work.

Ok, so I just downloaded a copy of WP 5.1, and you know what? Ironically, I like Word better now. Who'd've thunk it? I suppose it all has to do with familiarity. I was familiar with WP 5.1 back in the day, so I didn't want to change. Today, I hate the totally keyboard driven interface of WordPerfect--and needing a template to remember anything.

This is nice, though, because it could keep me from becoming very distracted whilst writing. I may just have to give it a try. I mean, the thing is that one can even shut off all of the screen clutter and just leave the writing area. That's really nice. What you end up with is just your text, nothing more. Heck, one can even just off the scroll bar, but I'm not sure why. Horizontally, that makes sense. But the vertical bar is rather nice for document navigation.

The other nice thing? This won't crash. Really. It's rock-solid. It just does what it's supposed to do, and no more. What more can you ask for?

Oh, WYSIWYG editing? That's for wimps.

OK, so I'm using this as a basic text editor. Like it matters to me.

Time to go shower and look presentable. And eat breakfast. Ohhh...this will be such a long day.