"In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence." Hebrews 5:7, ESV
Reverence. It seems like a lost art these days. Really, there are two extremes. The first is that God is so revered and holy that we forget that He actually wants to be our friend. The second extreme is that we treat God as if he's our buddy, and forget that He's still God.
What really strikes me here is:
1. Jesus prayed. While on Earth, He talked to the Father on a regular basis. The Son of God Himself brought his needs and concerns (supplications) to the Father;
2. Jesus was passionate. This was no sedate prayer, no murmur, no mumbling under the breath. Those were "loud cries" and tears. I'll be frank: my spirituality has been so neutered by western Christianity that I have trouble being that passionate about God. I can be that passionate about my marriage, but not my faith. Ouch, that hurts.
3. BUT, Jesus was heard because of His reverence, ultimately. It was because of how He approached the Father that His prayers were heard. To shed a little light on this, understand that the other correct cultural rendering of the Greek word eulabeia (rendered as "reverence") is "caution." My point: Jesus wasn't flippant. He was respectful. He was careful about how he approached the Father.
5/19/2007
2/08/2007
Americans hate accountability.
Americans hate accountability. It's a fact. Point-in-case: tonight at work, I began to implement a new system designed to give accountability to the kids on our crew to be sure they do their work. Our goal is to raise our standard of customer service and help people do their jobs better. As things stand now, there is really no way to put the spotlight on those who work poorly, because everything just is thrown into a "big pot." It's the classic, "Somebody should do these things; anybody could do them, but nobody did." We're aiming to identify somebody, anybody, and nobody.
The system is simple: it's a list of tasks for each job area. The crew person will simply initial each task as it's completed. If their doing their jobs, it's really no big deal, except for one detail...
Did I mention that Americans hate accountability?
Yeah, there's the problem. Tonight was a "dry run;" it didn't matter, as I was only looking for help getting the list to a place where it is simple and concise. I approached three different employees, asking them for help. "Just go through the list as you do your tasks tonight and see if I missed anything or if anything is unclear. Leave some feedback on the paper if there's anything that needs changed."
One guy got out his cigarette lighter and was going to burn it.
Another person balked, told me that they were insulted, and then tried to get me to reassign the tasks on their list to other employees. (I wonder why they balked...hmmm...)
Ironically, the only person who didn't object is the person who had extra work added to his responsibilities. He was very agreeable. Of course, he's also in a position where his primary job may prevent him from completing the list--and that's just the way it is. There's nothing we can do to change that.
But I think the bottom line is this: people hate knowing somebody is watching. I know I do. Sometimes we avoid situations we should really be involved with because we don't want to feel "inspected." I think about my life--I don't want my pastor or my wife to know that I almost looked at some things online I shouldn't have last night. (No, it wasn't porn...but it was bad enough.) And if I tell them (of course, now I just told the world...), then I'll feel like they're looking over my shoulder every time I turn around. Of course, if they're looking over my shoulder, that probably means they are also watching my back. My honesty keeps me accountable--and that causes me to avoid stupid things because I know somebody's going to check me out.
My dad once said, "Locks keep honest people honest." Somebody who is going to do the wrong thing will do it, regardless of their situation. Accountability is like a lock; it helps protect us from ourselves.
The system is simple: it's a list of tasks for each job area. The crew person will simply initial each task as it's completed. If their doing their jobs, it's really no big deal, except for one detail...
Did I mention that Americans hate accountability?
Yeah, there's the problem. Tonight was a "dry run;" it didn't matter, as I was only looking for help getting the list to a place where it is simple and concise. I approached three different employees, asking them for help. "Just go through the list as you do your tasks tonight and see if I missed anything or if anything is unclear. Leave some feedback on the paper if there's anything that needs changed."
One guy got out his cigarette lighter and was going to burn it.
Another person balked, told me that they were insulted, and then tried to get me to reassign the tasks on their list to other employees. (I wonder why they balked...hmmm...)
Ironically, the only person who didn't object is the person who had extra work added to his responsibilities. He was very agreeable. Of course, he's also in a position where his primary job may prevent him from completing the list--and that's just the way it is. There's nothing we can do to change that.
But I think the bottom line is this: people hate knowing somebody is watching. I know I do. Sometimes we avoid situations we should really be involved with because we don't want to feel "inspected." I think about my life--I don't want my pastor or my wife to know that I almost looked at some things online I shouldn't have last night. (No, it wasn't porn...but it was bad enough.) And if I tell them (of course, now I just told the world...), then I'll feel like they're looking over my shoulder every time I turn around. Of course, if they're looking over my shoulder, that probably means they are also watching my back. My honesty keeps me accountable--and that causes me to avoid stupid things because I know somebody's going to check me out.
My dad once said, "Locks keep honest people honest." Somebody who is going to do the wrong thing will do it, regardless of their situation. Accountability is like a lock; it helps protect us from ourselves.
An insomniac's dream...
I'm sitting here, up again. I should be sleeping.
A few updates are in order. A few weeks ago, I struggled with knowing how we were going to make it...money looked too tight. So, I "threw it up" and hoped for the best. I guess if I were being honest, I'd have to say that I really didn't expect any results.
I'm really glad that God doesn't cater to our expectations, aren't you?
So, about a week later, I received a call from my boss at Godfather's--offering me a significant promotion and increase in pay. So much so, that I could quit my other job and have just one place of employment for the first time in about three years! So, for the last week, I've been "officially" one of the full-time managers at Godfather's Pizza in Normal, IL. Sounds like it's not so great, but really, it is. Here's why:
- I'm enjoying it. (Can't put a price on that.)
- It's flexible.
- It's salary, so it's steady income.
- The owner, who is actively involved in the business, is a Christ-follower.
- His goal is to get me back into ministry.
(Ever feel like you've been set up???)
So, life is pretty good. My mood is better. I can relax at home now, which is significant. I left Office Depot, one of the biggest sources of stress in my life, and didn't look back. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have had the job when I needed it. But this situation is far, far better. Plus, I'm in the lead in an organization again, where I feel like I can really make a difference. It's the first time in a few years that I've been able to say that.
Other than that...
I've been asked by my pastor to:
a) travel as a sponsor to a youth retreat in Wisconsin in a few weeks.
b) accompany him to Anaheim, CA to the Vineyard National Conference.
Feeling good...and the picture is finally beginning to become clearer. And that feels good, too.
Thanks for the good stuff, Lord.
A few updates are in order. A few weeks ago, I struggled with knowing how we were going to make it...money looked too tight. So, I "threw it up" and hoped for the best. I guess if I were being honest, I'd have to say that I really didn't expect any results.
I'm really glad that God doesn't cater to our expectations, aren't you?
So, about a week later, I received a call from my boss at Godfather's--offering me a significant promotion and increase in pay. So much so, that I could quit my other job and have just one place of employment for the first time in about three years! So, for the last week, I've been "officially" one of the full-time managers at Godfather's Pizza in Normal, IL. Sounds like it's not so great, but really, it is. Here's why:
- I'm enjoying it. (Can't put a price on that.)
- It's flexible.
- It's salary, so it's steady income.
- The owner, who is actively involved in the business, is a Christ-follower.
- His goal is to get me back into ministry.
(Ever feel like you've been set up???)
So, life is pretty good. My mood is better. I can relax at home now, which is significant. I left Office Depot, one of the biggest sources of stress in my life, and didn't look back. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have had the job when I needed it. But this situation is far, far better. Plus, I'm in the lead in an organization again, where I feel like I can really make a difference. It's the first time in a few years that I've been able to say that.
Other than that...
I've been asked by my pastor to:
a) travel as a sponsor to a youth retreat in Wisconsin in a few weeks.
b) accompany him to Anaheim, CA to the Vineyard National Conference.
Feeling good...and the picture is finally beginning to become clearer. And that feels good, too.
Thanks for the good stuff, Lord.
1/21/2007
Trusted Computing?
I'm on a bit of a crusade against Windows Vista. One of the many issues has to do with Trusted Computing...yet another form of DRM. Basically, between DRM and Trusted Computing, you--as the user and owner of content--lose the right to decide what you want to do with it.
Watch this for more:
Watch this for more:
1/12/2007
a letter from a friend...I almost cried
I got a lengthy email today from my good friend, Matt Morrison, whom I left back in South Dakota. Matt is a great guy, a fellow emergent-type-church-person, and the worship leader at Mercy Church in Sioux Falls. Anyway, he wrote me this great, encouraging email--probably one of the nicest letters I've ever received. He has been/is where we are now, in terms of feeling led somewhere but not necessarily seeing the path after having made the jump. He has a unique perspective on our situation, and I was really touched by the time he took to write. I almost cried.
Proverbs 25:25 is a truth: "Like a cool drink of water when you're worn out and weary is a letter from a long-lost friend." (The Message) It was just what I needed, Matt. Thanks for caring!
Proverbs 25:25 is a truth: "Like a cool drink of water when you're worn out and weary is a letter from a long-lost friend." (The Message) It was just what I needed, Matt. Thanks for caring!
1/11/2007
the problem with sickness
I mentioned earlier that my wife is in very bad shape right now. As I think about Jesus in the Gospels, and the way He intended for us to be - naturally supernatural - I struggle a bit with my wife's illness. This disease is, according to the earthly doctors, chronic and incurable. I know that's not the final word...but here we are. Struggling. It doesn't seem fair that a beautiful, 30-year-old woman should have to deal with these things. Granted, others have dealt with far greater tragedy than this--but that doesn't make it any easier.
Do we lack faith? I mean, it's pretty consistent through the Gospels that Jesus heals on the basis of two things: His discretion, and faith...mostly the second. In Mark 1:40-45, we read the account of a leper who came to Jesus, saying, "If you choose, you can make me clean." We see both elements at work there--the leper believed in Jesus' ability to cleanse him. And because of his faith, Jesus chose to deliver. So, I wonder if we lack faith for healing today. Do we even understand what it means to have faith for healing?
Sometimes it seems as though we humans--and especially we USAmericans--define ourselves by our pain and suffering. We do scores of things to hurt ourselves and then use that as the framework for the, "this
is why I am the way that I am" discussion. I guess my question is, "Do we even want to be healed?" There's no pity, no handouts, far fewer excuses if we are healed. Yet when Jesus swept into people's lives, that just what he did--He healed them.
So, the bigger question becomes...do we really know Jesus? Are we really living in the kingdom?
Do we lack faith? I mean, it's pretty consistent through the Gospels that Jesus heals on the basis of two things: His discretion, and faith...mostly the second. In Mark 1:40-45, we read the account of a leper who came to Jesus, saying, "If you choose, you can make me clean." We see both elements at work there--the leper believed in Jesus' ability to cleanse him. And because of his faith, Jesus chose to deliver. So, I wonder if we lack faith for healing today. Do we even understand what it means to have faith for healing?
Sometimes it seems as though we humans--and especially we USAmericans--define ourselves by our pain and suffering. We do scores of things to hurt ourselves and then use that as the framework for the, "this
is why I am the way that I am" discussion. I guess my question is, "Do we even want to be healed?" There's no pity, no handouts, far fewer excuses if we are healed. Yet when Jesus swept into people's lives, that just what he did--He healed them.
So, the bigger question becomes...do we really know Jesus? Are we really living in the kingdom?
It's been a long time...
It's been awhile since I've blogged, so I figure it's time to get back into the habit again. A lot has happened since I last wrote.
- We've moved again. This time into permanent housing. We are living in Bloomington now (Normal's sister city...it's inevitable that we couldn't stay in "Normal" for long...).
- We have a church. We are a part of the Bloomington Vineyard (www.vcfbn.org). The pastor and I have become great friends; it's been loads of fun to be on the "other side" of the pulpit and try to be the kind of parishioner I always wished I'd had myself.
- I am working two jobs. (boo, hiss...) I'm almost-full-time at Office Depot, doing tech sales. I'm also a manager at Godfather's Pizza in Normal. One or the other will turn full-time eventually, so I covet your prayers in that area. My hope is that the income from one job will make the other unnecessary.
- My wife is not well. For those who don't know, my wife is afflicted with a neuromuscular disease commonly called CMT (Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease). Technically, it is known as sensory-motor neuropathy. Basically, it causes her excruciating pain in her muscles, particularly her arms, back, and lower torso. For the last week, she's been the worst I've ever seen her. I'm so grateful for the wonderful people in our church, as meals have been provided when I'm working, so the kids don't have to fend for themselves. By evening she just doesn't have the fine motor skills or endurance to cook a meal. We covet your prayers for her.
- Me, I'm still just out here trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. God brought us here to Illinois, but I'm still not sure what He has in store for us. I suppose He'll reveal that as we go--I'd probably run away if He told me up-front.
12/08/2006
I once aspired to be a writer...
I once aspired to be a writer. It's true. I had these grandiose visions
of writing the Great American Novel...or something like that. It
probably wouldn't have been a novel. But that begs the question: why
write? I mean, I used to think I had something to say. Typically, I
wrote when I had an axe to grind. News flash: nobody wants to read that
stuff. On the other hand, what else do I have to say? What would be my
motivation for writing?
You know, I'm not sure what I have to say. I've wondered if I don't need
to try my hand at fiction...perhaps short stories. I love the works of O
Henry and Poe (I know...complete opposites...I'm schizo like that). But
there again, why write? I have trouble writing without purpose. I think
it's that strong “Christian� ideal I've had instilled in me; you know,
the concept of an agenda-oriented life. Everything I say and do must
have a point, a message. I have to be trying to communicate something.
There is no such thing as art for art's sake. It has to have a message
behind it...or inside of it...or hidden. Or something.
But then I wonder, is it possible to write without a message. Doesn't
everything one composes have an element of himself in it? When I write,
how can I not say what I want to say?
So, I once aspired to be a writer. For now, I think I'll just write.
of writing the Great American Novel...or something like that. It
probably wouldn't have been a novel. But that begs the question: why
write? I mean, I used to think I had something to say. Typically, I
wrote when I had an axe to grind. News flash: nobody wants to read that
stuff. On the other hand, what else do I have to say? What would be my
motivation for writing?
You know, I'm not sure what I have to say. I've wondered if I don't need
to try my hand at fiction...perhaps short stories. I love the works of O
Henry and Poe (I know...complete opposites...I'm schizo like that). But
there again, why write? I have trouble writing without purpose. I think
it's that strong “Christian� ideal I've had instilled in me; you know,
the concept of an agenda-oriented life. Everything I say and do must
have a point, a message. I have to be trying to communicate something.
There is no such thing as art for art's sake. It has to have a message
behind it...or inside of it...or hidden. Or something.
But then I wonder, is it possible to write without a message. Doesn't
everything one composes have an element of himself in it? When I write,
how can I not say what I want to say?
So, I once aspired to be a writer. For now, I think I'll just write.
11/10/2006
9/30/2006
Bad blogger...no cookie!
I just realized that my last post is horribly out-of-date. I apologize--life has been rather.... oh, wait.... that was supposed to get better here, wasn't it? My bad...
Jobs: I am officially employed full-time-plus (probably 55-60 hours per week). I'm not thrilled about this (the "plus" part), but we'll need the money for start-up. I am a shift manager at Godfather's Pizza in Normal, and a Tech Sales associate at Office Depot, also in Normal. I'm well-into the job at GP, but will be starting at Office Depot on Monday night. Still, I'll be home before 1 AM from either job, so that's a real plus.
Church: ClearView Church is a great place, but not the best for us. We have some needs as a family, and it's time that I start putting them ahead of some of my idealism. CVC is a fairly new work, and my kids and wife need something solid now. That, and they just left the Vineyard. God brought us to IL to work with the Vineyard, so we need to stick to that. I didn't realize that it was that big of a deal until our first Sunday at the Bloomington Vineyard church. After our second visit, we knew that it was to be our church home. Not only that, but in visiting with the pastor, it seems that perhaps we were moved here to work with this church. I'm not going to jump to conclusions, but I do know that both Pastor David and I left our meeting very excited. I'm looking forward to chuch tomorrow--and it's been a very long time since I've had that feeling.
College ministry: on-hold. My meeting with Andrew went well, but we're just not there right now. We need to be focused on being grounded in a local church (the aforementioned Vineyard) before we do anything else. I suspect that future mission will probably spring from that association, rather than Young Life. I like YL, and love Andrew and his heart--but God has called me to the local church, and to work from that context. So, as frustrated as the church makes me at times (not the Vineyard, but church-in-general), it's where I am to be. "I don't wanna be a Jo-nah..."
I think that brings everything from my previous post up-to-date.
A few thoughts before I sign off...
I'm thinking of beginning to post some of my past teaching on this blog. I did that awhile back, and am feeling that perhaps it's time to dust some of this stuff off and get it out there.
Pray for us. I sense a new ministry beginning...don't know too much about what we'll be doing. But we're here, and we're available to do whatever the Lord wants. But I sense a stirring.
It feels good.
Jobs: I am officially employed full-time-plus (probably 55-60 hours per week). I'm not thrilled about this (the "plus" part), but we'll need the money for start-up. I am a shift manager at Godfather's Pizza in Normal, and a Tech Sales associate at Office Depot, also in Normal. I'm well-into the job at GP, but will be starting at Office Depot on Monday night. Still, I'll be home before 1 AM from either job, so that's a real plus.
Church: ClearView Church is a great place, but not the best for us. We have some needs as a family, and it's time that I start putting them ahead of some of my idealism. CVC is a fairly new work, and my kids and wife need something solid now. That, and they just left the Vineyard. God brought us to IL to work with the Vineyard, so we need to stick to that. I didn't realize that it was that big of a deal until our first Sunday at the Bloomington Vineyard church. After our second visit, we knew that it was to be our church home. Not only that, but in visiting with the pastor, it seems that perhaps we were moved here to work with this church. I'm not going to jump to conclusions, but I do know that both Pastor David and I left our meeting very excited. I'm looking forward to chuch tomorrow--and it's been a very long time since I've had that feeling.
College ministry: on-hold. My meeting with Andrew went well, but we're just not there right now. We need to be focused on being grounded in a local church (the aforementioned Vineyard) before we do anything else. I suspect that future mission will probably spring from that association, rather than Young Life. I like YL, and love Andrew and his heart--but God has called me to the local church, and to work from that context. So, as frustrated as the church makes me at times (not the Vineyard, but church-in-general), it's where I am to be. "I don't wanna be a Jo-nah..."
I think that brings everything from my previous post up-to-date.
A few thoughts before I sign off...
I'm thinking of beginning to post some of my past teaching on this blog. I did that awhile back, and am feeling that perhaps it's time to dust some of this stuff off and get it out there.
Pray for us. I sense a new ministry beginning...don't know too much about what we'll be doing. But we're here, and we're available to do whatever the Lord wants. But I sense a stirring.
It feels good.
8/20/2006
An opportunity...
"Today you have been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, an opportunity that few receive. Don't waste it."
That was what I felt the Lord speak to me yesterday.
Hey, at least I felt the Lord speak to me again. We're gaining.
We are in Normal.
Today we will attend Clear View Church, which is not the church we originally intended to join. For a number of reasons, none of which are against the Urbana Vineyard, it doesn't look like we will land there after all. Time will tell, but at this point we are really feeling drawn to Bloomington-Normal and U of I. It's interesting how, when you try to "back away" from these things that ministry comes looking for you. At any rate, things are going well. I expect to be up to 100% capacity today, perhaps for the first day since we arrived. We got here Monday afternoon, and I got sicker than a dog--I suppose, lack of sleep. Anyway, it was a good 3 days before I could even function normally. But now things seem to be better.
So, we're headed to CVC today, which is a fairly new Vineyard plant. Technically, it's the Normal Vineyard, but it's located in the Castle Theater in Bloomington right now. That's cool--it should be a nice environment for church. Krispy Kremes, bagels, coffee, and Jesus. Should be a nice time.
In other news, I've been invited to participate with a new pomo-focused service at Grace Church here in Normal, which is the independent quasi-Baptist-but-not-really Christian church where our gracious hosts, the Beaty's, attend. They're looking for help, and I've got the experience, so one of the lead guys invited me to help yesterday.
I'll be meeting with Andrew Beaty, who is the area director for Young Life (as well as being one of my best friends), this week concerning what Young Life is doing on college campuses. YL is a great ministry, although I sometimes prefer a little more direct approach. BUT, college YL could be a whole different issue, because we can help deal with some issues. We'll see what happens. A reality: I'll probably have to continue with my degree in order to get some credibility. OTOH, being a student where I minister couldn't hurt, either.
I think I'm going to apply for a job at Office Depot this week, just to have something. I may have a position as a shift supervisor at Godfather's Pizza, part-time, but that still remains to be seen. If so, great. If not, well, then I won't get tired of Godfather's. :-)
If you have our info, know that our cell numbers remain the same for now, so you can still reach us. I normally don't like calls after 9 pm, but on weekdays they are free if you don't have Verizon (free all the time if you use Verizon wireless), so call after 9 pm. Weekends are free all the time, so that's a good time to reach us. If you head to www.myspace.com/elempoimen, you can get my address. (Note: you'll have to register. Sorry, but I don't want to broadcast my stuff across the Internet.)
That was what I felt the Lord speak to me yesterday.
Hey, at least I felt the Lord speak to me again. We're gaining.
We are in Normal.
Today we will attend Clear View Church, which is not the church we originally intended to join. For a number of reasons, none of which are against the Urbana Vineyard, it doesn't look like we will land there after all. Time will tell, but at this point we are really feeling drawn to Bloomington-Normal and U of I. It's interesting how, when you try to "back away" from these things that ministry comes looking for you. At any rate, things are going well. I expect to be up to 100% capacity today, perhaps for the first day since we arrived. We got here Monday afternoon, and I got sicker than a dog--I suppose, lack of sleep. Anyway, it was a good 3 days before I could even function normally. But now things seem to be better.
So, we're headed to CVC today, which is a fairly new Vineyard plant. Technically, it's the Normal Vineyard, but it's located in the Castle Theater in Bloomington right now. That's cool--it should be a nice environment for church. Krispy Kremes, bagels, coffee, and Jesus. Should be a nice time.
In other news, I've been invited to participate with a new pomo-focused service at Grace Church here in Normal, which is the independent quasi-Baptist-but-not-really Christian church where our gracious hosts, the Beaty's, attend. They're looking for help, and I've got the experience, so one of the lead guys invited me to help yesterday.
I'll be meeting with Andrew Beaty, who is the area director for Young Life (as well as being one of my best friends), this week concerning what Young Life is doing on college campuses. YL is a great ministry, although I sometimes prefer a little more direct approach. BUT, college YL could be a whole different issue, because we can help deal with some issues. We'll see what happens. A reality: I'll probably have to continue with my degree in order to get some credibility. OTOH, being a student where I minister couldn't hurt, either.
I think I'm going to apply for a job at Office Depot this week, just to have something. I may have a position as a shift supervisor at Godfather's Pizza, part-time, but that still remains to be seen. If so, great. If not, well, then I won't get tired of Godfather's. :-)
If you have our info, know that our cell numbers remain the same for now, so you can still reach us. I normally don't like calls after 9 pm, but on weekdays they are free if you don't have Verizon (free all the time if you use Verizon wireless), so call after 9 pm. Weekends are free all the time, so that's a good time to reach us. If you head to www.myspace.com/elempoimen, you can get my address. (Note: you'll have to register. Sorry, but I don't want to broadcast my stuff across the Internet.)
7/13/2006
On Starting Over...
You know, I'm really not that scared anymore. Maybe part of it is that I realize the inevitability of our relocation and new life. The wheels are set in motion, and it's really too late to stop them now. Not that I really want to stop them, mind you. Change is never easy, and change for the sake of change is just plain dumb.
But this isn't that.
For me, this move is more about starting my family. "What?" you ask. "Don't you already have a family? Doesn't four kids qualify as a 'family'?" Well, yes. It exists, but I've not really been part of it. I've been the sometimes-benevolent dictator of the home--the final authority. But "being there" is not something that's come as a part of that process. I'm too tired. I'm too busy. I'm too...occupied. The cobbler's children have no shoes. The preacher's children have no dad. It's not that I sacrifice them for the ministry--it's just that I have to work so much to stay "in the ministry" that we lose so much of what makes us a family. Yeah, there were other alternatives. We chose Illinois. Why? It seemed right...and my kids need a dad.
So, we're going to move out there and get a job. What stops this from happening again? It's simple, really. My reason for working changes. No longer will I work to support my ministry, as I've done for many years. I will work to support my family. I will work to afford vacations and fun...and to support ministry. Yes, we'll still do ministry. But it won't be my primary reason for being. My reasons will change. I will be...
Yeah, I'm liking that.
But this isn't that.
For me, this move is more about starting my family. "What?" you ask. "Don't you already have a family? Doesn't four kids qualify as a 'family'?" Well, yes. It exists, but I've not really been part of it. I've been the sometimes-benevolent dictator of the home--the final authority. But "being there" is not something that's come as a part of that process. I'm too tired. I'm too busy. I'm too...occupied. The cobbler's children have no shoes. The preacher's children have no dad. It's not that I sacrifice them for the ministry--it's just that I have to work so much to stay "in the ministry" that we lose so much of what makes us a family. Yeah, there were other alternatives. We chose Illinois. Why? It seemed right...and my kids need a dad.
So, we're going to move out there and get a job. What stops this from happening again? It's simple, really. My reason for working changes. No longer will I work to support my ministry, as I've done for many years. I will work to support my family. I will work to afford vacations and fun...and to support ministry. Yes, we'll still do ministry. But it won't be my primary reason for being. My reasons will change. I will be...
- A child of God. His son.
- A husband to my wife. Yes, honey, we will date. :-)
- A be-there dad for my kids.
- A friend. This is something I've never been good at. My thanks goes out to all of my friends over the years that I've totally neglected. I love all of you and miss you all--thank you for sticking with me even when I was a lousy friend in return.
- A life-minister of the Gospel. When you nail down a definition for that, let me know. For now, I'm just going to try doing it.
Yeah, I'm liking that.
On Getting Warped...
I've long harbored sick fantasies of becoming an OS/2 user...like for about 12 years now. Yeah, that's pretty warped...no pun intended. (If you don't get it, you don't need to.) Well, a few days ago I came across a copy and thought, "Finally, here's my chance!"
As the story goes, OS/2 was designed to be the successor to the original DOS. It started out with Microsoft in bed with IBM to make it happen. Someplace along the line, MS decided they'd had enough and got out. Maybe it was the money.
After using OS/2 for a couple of days, I suspect it was more than the money.
OS/2 is a bizarre combination of usability features that make good sense and being completely unusable for all but the most seasoned of users. It's easy to see why Windows won, especially with the advent of Windows 95. Yes, to be sure, Microsoft took a lot of great ideas from OS/2. But also to be sure, Microsoft added a great deal of value to that just previously wasn't there. As the story goes, what was to become OS/2 ended up becoming Windows NT. And if you know anything about the lineage of Windows, long down the line, Windows NT became Windows XP. Techincally, XP is like NT version 5.5 or something like that.
So, at the end of the day, I'm still a Windows user. It does everything I need it to with a minimum of hassle. Heck, I had problems even installing software in OS/2. Granted VMWARE emulation adds a little twist--but I had OS/2 freeze up on me about as many times in 2 days as I've had Windows freeze up in the last two years. And all I was trying to do was browse files!
Anyway, it's late and I need to get to bed.
As the story goes, OS/2 was designed to be the successor to the original DOS. It started out with Microsoft in bed with IBM to make it happen. Someplace along the line, MS decided they'd had enough and got out. Maybe it was the money.
After using OS/2 for a couple of days, I suspect it was more than the money.
OS/2 is a bizarre combination of usability features that make good sense and being completely unusable for all but the most seasoned of users. It's easy to see why Windows won, especially with the advent of Windows 95. Yes, to be sure, Microsoft took a lot of great ideas from OS/2. But also to be sure, Microsoft added a great deal of value to that just previously wasn't there. As the story goes, what was to become OS/2 ended up becoming Windows NT. And if you know anything about the lineage of Windows, long down the line, Windows NT became Windows XP. Techincally, XP is like NT version 5.5 or something like that.
So, at the end of the day, I'm still a Windows user. It does everything I need it to with a minimum of hassle. Heck, I had problems even installing software in OS/2. Granted VMWARE emulation adds a little twist--but I had OS/2 freeze up on me about as many times in 2 days as I've had Windows freeze up in the last two years. And all I was trying to do was browse files!
Anyway, it's late and I need to get to bed.
7/09/2006
Insomnia, Transition, and Legacy Software
It's about 6 AM on Sunday morning. And I haven't had a wink of sleep since 10:45 last night. I'd go get some now, but I'm afraid it would make things worse. You know how it is sometimes when it's better that you don't sleep at all? Still, I'm sitting here struggling with IBS cramps, having just finished my work for this morning. Why didn't I sleep? Well, I started out just not being able to, but ended up just working pretty solidly. Saturday was a waste of a day. I couldn't get up until noon, was still exhausted, and just couldn't get focused on anything until late. I hate not going to bed with my wife, but I guess that's just the way it's going to be until after the transition.
Ah, yes. The transition.
Three weeks now until I'm done at Citibank. And two more Sundays at New Hope. (I'll work at Citibank for 5 days beyond my time at New Hope.) Then, our schedule gets a little fuzzy. At some point, we'll visit some family in Montana, and then...it's off to Illinois. We'll be in Normal with our friends/family, the Beaty's, for probably 8-12 weeks, I figure. I need to find stable employment before we can apply to Rural Development for a house loan. We were looking at Rantoul, but are now thinking perhaps that closer to Normal is a good thing. And we're looking more at a rural home. We'd like to begin breeding Newfoundlands here in a year or two, and so the country would be a better place for us. Eventually, I'd like to get into freelance programming so I can work from home.
What about the ministry?
Funny you should ask. We're just not sure what's going to happen. It's on hold for now until I get clear marching orders. Well, that's not totally true--because we'll continue to minister wherever we are, but I just won't be an official "pastor." Happy (the pastor at the Vineyard in Urbana) has indicated that he'd like to see us get involved with small group ministry, so I'll have to get ahold of Jim Egli once we get there to see what opportunities exist.
Of course, we need a house first.
Details, details...
Things to pray about:
- My health. I'll be just barely surviving this next three weeks. I'm in rough shape, physically. I'm very tired and just can't do anymore without supernatural intervention.
- My wife. For the reasons above, she's having to bear a heavier load than I care to see her bear.
- Housing. The Lord has the right thing, in His time. Who knows what our little communal experiment might bear?
- Transportation. We've run up a horrible bill at the mechanic, and the van's not fixed. We are having some kind of obscure fuel problem. I'm going to call him again on Monday to see if he's made any progress in deciphering what could be wrong, and maybe seeing what can be done to cut down our exorbitant bill.
- Time. We still need to seriously get packing. There's just been no time.
BUT, in the answered prayer department:
Shaianne took another hard blow to her nose--and I *know* it was broken again on Monday. Tuesday was Independence Day, so we could do little with it, but I was praying and really engaging my faith. I was disappointed that it wasn't "all better" on Tuesday morning...but we didn't give up. Finally, after a wild-goose chase on Wednesday (long story...), she got to see the doctor on Friday morning. Guess what? It wasn't broken! I'm completely convinced that prayer did the trick, becuase by Friday the nose was no longer crooked!
In other news, let me tell you about the environment in which I am typing this lengthy post (written earlier):
Ok, so this is about as basic as it gets. There's something delightfully nostalgic about typing this document in Word for DOS, even though I never really used it. I was a WordPerfect devotee, myself. In fact, I should see if my old WordPerfet 5.1 disks even work.
Ok, so I just downloaded a copy of WP 5.1, and you know what? Ironically, I like Word better now. Who'd've thunk it? I suppose it all has to do with familiarity. I was familiar with WP 5.1 back in the day, so I didn't want to change. Today, I hate the totally keyboard driven interface of WordPerfect--and needing a template to remember anything.
This is nice, though, because it could keep me from becoming very distracted whilst writing. I may just have to give it a try. I mean, the thing is that one can even shut off all of the screen clutter and just leave the writing area. That's really nice. What you end up with is just your text, nothing more. Heck, one can even just off the scroll bar, but I'm not sure why. Horizontally, that makes sense. But the vertical bar is rather nice for document navigation.
The other nice thing? This won't crash. Really. It's rock-solid. It just does what it's supposed to do, and no more. What more can you ask for?
Oh, WYSIWYG editing? That's for wimps.
OK, so I'm using this as a basic text editor. Like it matters to me.
Time to go shower and look presentable. And eat breakfast. Ohhh...this will be such a long day.
Ah, yes. The transition.
Three weeks now until I'm done at Citibank. And two more Sundays at New Hope. (I'll work at Citibank for 5 days beyond my time at New Hope.) Then, our schedule gets a little fuzzy. At some point, we'll visit some family in Montana, and then...it's off to Illinois. We'll be in Normal with our friends/family, the Beaty's, for probably 8-12 weeks, I figure. I need to find stable employment before we can apply to Rural Development for a house loan. We were looking at Rantoul, but are now thinking perhaps that closer to Normal is a good thing. And we're looking more at a rural home. We'd like to begin breeding Newfoundlands here in a year or two, and so the country would be a better place for us. Eventually, I'd like to get into freelance programming so I can work from home.
What about the ministry?
Funny you should ask. We're just not sure what's going to happen. It's on hold for now until I get clear marching orders. Well, that's not totally true--because we'll continue to minister wherever we are, but I just won't be an official "pastor." Happy (the pastor at the Vineyard in Urbana) has indicated that he'd like to see us get involved with small group ministry, so I'll have to get ahold of Jim Egli once we get there to see what opportunities exist.
Of course, we need a house first.
Details, details...
Things to pray about:
- My health. I'll be just barely surviving this next three weeks. I'm in rough shape, physically. I'm very tired and just can't do anymore without supernatural intervention.
- My wife. For the reasons above, she's having to bear a heavier load than I care to see her bear.
- Housing. The Lord has the right thing, in His time. Who knows what our little communal experiment might bear?
- Transportation. We've run up a horrible bill at the mechanic, and the van's not fixed. We are having some kind of obscure fuel problem. I'm going to call him again on Monday to see if he's made any progress in deciphering what could be wrong, and maybe seeing what can be done to cut down our exorbitant bill.
- Time. We still need to seriously get packing. There's just been no time.
BUT, in the answered prayer department:
Shaianne took another hard blow to her nose--and I *know* it was broken again on Monday. Tuesday was Independence Day, so we could do little with it, but I was praying and really engaging my faith. I was disappointed that it wasn't "all better" on Tuesday morning...but we didn't give up. Finally, after a wild-goose chase on Wednesday (long story...), she got to see the doctor on Friday morning. Guess what? It wasn't broken! I'm completely convinced that prayer did the trick, becuase by Friday the nose was no longer crooked!
In other news, let me tell you about the environment in which I am typing this lengthy post (written earlier):
Ok, so this is about as basic as it gets. There's something delightfully nostalgic about typing this document in Word for DOS, even though I never really used it. I was a WordPerfect devotee, myself. In fact, I should see if my old WordPerfet 5.1 disks even work.
Ok, so I just downloaded a copy of WP 5.1, and you know what? Ironically, I like Word better now. Who'd've thunk it? I suppose it all has to do with familiarity. I was familiar with WP 5.1 back in the day, so I didn't want to change. Today, I hate the totally keyboard driven interface of WordPerfect--and needing a template to remember anything.
This is nice, though, because it could keep me from becoming very distracted whilst writing. I may just have to give it a try. I mean, the thing is that one can even shut off all of the screen clutter and just leave the writing area. That's really nice. What you end up with is just your text, nothing more. Heck, one can even just off the scroll bar, but I'm not sure why. Horizontally, that makes sense. But the vertical bar is rather nice for document navigation.
The other nice thing? This won't crash. Really. It's rock-solid. It just does what it's supposed to do, and no more. What more can you ask for?
Oh, WYSIWYG editing? That's for wimps.
OK, so I'm using this as a basic text editor. Like it matters to me.
Time to go shower and look presentable. And eat breakfast. Ohhh...this will be such a long day.
6/09/2006
Assaulted in Spirit...
too much...waaaay too much....
too much...waaaay too much....
I've just spent the last hour or so watching Christian TV. Yeah. Good stuff... TCT.tv, Jim Bakker (he's baaack), and some guy named Kerney Thomas who likes to scream and speak in "tongues."
Ok, so I speak in tongues too...but not like that. And not to you. The Bible says that a few intelligible words are more valuable than 10,000 in tongues. And I just have to vent for a minute about this Thomas guy. He had a clip on his show where he was supposedly praying for healing for a woman. The end result, from her lips, was that she got a "Word" from God through Thomas, and it was just what she needed to hear. Just prior to the clip, he talked of how he was doing this show at "about 3 in the morning somewhere" and how he felt impressed to pray right during that clip. When the clip ended, we cut to Thomas kneeling over the "hope chest" of prayer requests, praying in "tongues." He acted startled and stopped "praying," mumbling something about thinking the clip was longer and how he just had to pray right then.
Give me a break, Thomas. You didn't film this at 3 AM. Not only that, but you weren't praying through that clip which ended sooner than expected. And your wife refers to you as "the man of God"? Uh huh. I like to think of myself as a man of God, but never would my wife refer to me in that way to another person. Why? Because, I don't need a title. I need a life of integrity...honesty...forthrightness. Yeah. Good stuff like that.
Or Bakker, who I have now lost all respect for...again. He was doing so well. Now he's back on TV, hawking his wares and capitalizing on end-times paranoia.
The TCT show wasn't bad, just really disconnected from the reality of where people are at. A missionary-pastor from the Philippines was on. The host of the show seemed more preoccupied with embarrassing the guy with accolades and asking his wife how "good" he was than with discussing anything of any real redeeming value.
Ok, the rant is over...
Let's get some things straight. I am a Spirit-filled believer, according to the Biblical definition. I can't honestly consider myself a Pentecostal any longer, because I do not buy into the doctrine of subsequence. I've questioned it for a long time, and recently have come to the decision that it is not scriptural (at least not without some theological gymnastics). This works, as I'm very soon to be a *former* Assemblies of God pastor. I don't have a problem with the A/G--I just don't fit very will with their way of doing church.
And I could be wrong, but that's another story (with apologies to the venerable Dr. Stanley Horton).
So, I'm Spirit-filled. I'm saved. I can speak in tongues--real tongues. And I've experienced other gifts of the Spirit, so I know they're real (besides, the Bible says so...I'm not a "cessationist," either).
Gary Best, the national director of The Vineyard in Canada, has recently written a book entitled "Naturally Supernatural." It encapsulates the way I believe Jesus intended for this stuff to work pretty well. The title says it all. It doesn't have to be wierd to be real. In fact, if it's wierd, it's probably not real.
Sorry, Kerney.
But I can see why the world wants little to do with Christians, even less to do with Conservatives, and less still to do with "Spirit-filled" people. I've had my senses assaulted with so much flesh tonight that it makes me sick. I'm sorry if this comes across as bitter or angry, but...
WE'RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT! Honest! I don't even own a prayer handkerchief.
too much...waaaay too much....
I've just spent the last hour or so watching Christian TV. Yeah. Good stuff... TCT.tv, Jim Bakker (he's baaack), and some guy named Kerney Thomas who likes to scream and speak in "tongues."
Ok, so I speak in tongues too...but not like that. And not to you. The Bible says that a few intelligible words are more valuable than 10,000 in tongues. And I just have to vent for a minute about this Thomas guy. He had a clip on his show where he was supposedly praying for healing for a woman. The end result, from her lips, was that she got a "Word" from God through Thomas, and it was just what she needed to hear. Just prior to the clip, he talked of how he was doing this show at "about 3 in the morning somewhere" and how he felt impressed to pray right during that clip. When the clip ended, we cut to Thomas kneeling over the "hope chest" of prayer requests, praying in "tongues." He acted startled and stopped "praying," mumbling something about thinking the clip was longer and how he just had to pray right then.
Give me a break, Thomas. You didn't film this at 3 AM. Not only that, but you weren't praying through that clip which ended sooner than expected. And your wife refers to you as "the man of God"? Uh huh. I like to think of myself as a man of God, but never would my wife refer to me in that way to another person. Why? Because, I don't need a title. I need a life of integrity...honesty...forthrightness. Yeah. Good stuff like that.
Or Bakker, who I have now lost all respect for...again. He was doing so well. Now he's back on TV, hawking his wares and capitalizing on end-times paranoia.
The TCT show wasn't bad, just really disconnected from the reality of where people are at. A missionary-pastor from the Philippines was on. The host of the show seemed more preoccupied with embarrassing the guy with accolades and asking his wife how "good" he was than with discussing anything of any real redeeming value.
Ok, the rant is over...
Let's get some things straight. I am a Spirit-filled believer, according to the Biblical definition. I can't honestly consider myself a Pentecostal any longer, because I do not buy into the doctrine of subsequence. I've questioned it for a long time, and recently have come to the decision that it is not scriptural (at least not without some theological gymnastics). This works, as I'm very soon to be a *former* Assemblies of God pastor. I don't have a problem with the A/G--I just don't fit very will with their way of doing church.
And I could be wrong, but that's another story (with apologies to the venerable Dr. Stanley Horton).
So, I'm Spirit-filled. I'm saved. I can speak in tongues--real tongues. And I've experienced other gifts of the Spirit, so I know they're real (besides, the Bible says so...I'm not a "cessationist," either).
Gary Best, the national director of The Vineyard in Canada, has recently written a book entitled "Naturally Supernatural." It encapsulates the way I believe Jesus intended for this stuff to work pretty well. The title says it all. It doesn't have to be wierd to be real. In fact, if it's wierd, it's probably not real.
Sorry, Kerney.
But I can see why the world wants little to do with Christians, even less to do with Conservatives, and less still to do with "Spirit-filled" people. I've had my senses assaulted with so much flesh tonight that it makes me sick. I'm sorry if this comes across as bitter or angry, but...
WE'RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT! Honest! I don't even own a prayer handkerchief.
6/01/2006
Tired, frustrated, scared...and excited!
We're moving to Urbana!
I'm probably the most tired I've been for awhile...but I'm exhilarated. I'm hurting a little too bad to sleep, so I thought I'd blog while the Aleve kicks in.
Nevermind. Can't find Aleve.
We attended our first service at The Vineyard Church in Urbana, IL on Sunday. We knew as soon as we walked in that we were home. It is church as I've always dreamed that church could be. I'm a little dismayed that I've not been able to be a part of bringing such a place into being, but my models have all been lousy, I guess. Time to reinvent... We really felt like we had God's leading going into this, and we had it confirmed on Sunday. I almost burst into tears during the first song.
We had a great time with our friends here, the Beaty's, on Monday. Tuesday, we met with the senior pastor of The Vineyard, and had a great lunch. We talked about the various options available to us. As of today, here's the plan:
- Move here.
- Get work and housing.
- Settle in for about 6 months and just chill...become a part of the life of the church.
- Look at other options: school
- Consider enrollment in VBI and/or Vineyard Internship
- Minister, all the while. That's why we're here.
That seems pretty simplistic, yes. But we're certain that God is taking us here. I have some hesitations, but those are mostly situational and in my flesh. Being real: that doesn't change the fact that I'm scared spitless about some stuff. Time to grow up, Tory.
We looked at houses today...found a nice one in Farmer City (yeah, great name). BUT...too far away from Urbana and not exactly what my wife is looking for.
I just pulled up Decree's MySpace, and I'm listening to demos...that I did not produce. And it has me thinking about the future...
What do I want to do?
- Young adult ministry. Prolly some rough stuff.
- Take in some messed up teens. Yeah, really.
- Write, record, and produce music. Worship and other stuff. Some of my own stuff.
- Spend time with my family.
- Get a job I don't despise.
- Make a difference.
- Be happy.
- Please God. That's the ultimate.
It's time for me to go to bed. I'm really not feeling any better...and it's way too late. Go do a MySpace add for Decree. I produced their first record.
I miss that stuff. I need the right job, Lord...so I can do that stuff again.
And I need to be happy. And excited about life. That's coming...it is.
I'm probably the most tired I've been for awhile...but I'm exhilarated. I'm hurting a little too bad to sleep, so I thought I'd blog while the Aleve kicks in.
Nevermind. Can't find Aleve.
We attended our first service at The Vineyard Church in Urbana, IL on Sunday. We knew as soon as we walked in that we were home. It is church as I've always dreamed that church could be. I'm a little dismayed that I've not been able to be a part of bringing such a place into being, but my models have all been lousy, I guess. Time to reinvent... We really felt like we had God's leading going into this, and we had it confirmed on Sunday. I almost burst into tears during the first song.
We had a great time with our friends here, the Beaty's, on Monday. Tuesday, we met with the senior pastor of The Vineyard, and had a great lunch. We talked about the various options available to us. As of today, here's the plan:
- Move here.
- Get work and housing.
- Settle in for about 6 months and just chill...become a part of the life of the church.
- Look at other options: school
- Consider enrollment in VBI and/or Vineyard Internship
- Minister, all the while. That's why we're here.
That seems pretty simplistic, yes. But we're certain that God is taking us here. I have some hesitations, but those are mostly situational and in my flesh. Being real: that doesn't change the fact that I'm scared spitless about some stuff. Time to grow up, Tory.
We looked at houses today...found a nice one in Farmer City (yeah, great name). BUT...too far away from Urbana and not exactly what my wife is looking for.
I just pulled up Decree's MySpace, and I'm listening to demos...that I did not produce. And it has me thinking about the future...
What do I want to do?
- Young adult ministry. Prolly some rough stuff.
- Take in some messed up teens. Yeah, really.
- Write, record, and produce music. Worship and other stuff. Some of my own stuff.
- Spend time with my family.
- Get a job I don't despise.
- Make a difference.
- Be happy.
- Please God. That's the ultimate.
It's time for me to go to bed. I'm really not feeling any better...and it's way too late. Go do a MySpace add for Decree. I produced their first record.
I miss that stuff. I need the right job, Lord...so I can do that stuff again.
And I need to be happy. And excited about life. That's coming...it is.
5/28/2006
Getting to Normal
Ok, it's a funny pun.
We're here: Normal, Illinois. The start of something new. We're very excited. We had a great trip and arrived last night. This morning is our first contact with The Vineyard, officially. We were told, "everything is in place for you," so it's cool that they worked so hard to pull stuff together for us.
It's a bad pun, but today really is the first day of the rest of our lives. In the natural, this all looks very foolish. But God is bigger than our presuppositions. We have done something that I've not done for years...we have stepped out on faith into the unknown. But it's the unknown that really keeps us hanging on to God.
So, we put this day...and the next several...into God's hands. He's going to have to pull this together if it's going to happen. AJ has talked to some of his contacts about money for a house, so we'll see how that goes. I'm sure Walt has some other leads. And I'm very optimistic about meeting with Dan Moission. Even if it doesn't result in a job with his company, I think it will result in an invaluable contact that will lead to a job.
Ultimately, God is leading us into our future.
And I'm the happiest I've been for at least 5 years. That *has* to count for something.
More later...
We're here: Normal, Illinois. The start of something new. We're very excited. We had a great trip and arrived last night. This morning is our first contact with The Vineyard, officially. We were told, "everything is in place for you," so it's cool that they worked so hard to pull stuff together for us.
It's a bad pun, but today really is the first day of the rest of our lives. In the natural, this all looks very foolish. But God is bigger than our presuppositions. We have done something that I've not done for years...we have stepped out on faith into the unknown. But it's the unknown that really keeps us hanging on to God.
So, we put this day...and the next several...into God's hands. He's going to have to pull this together if it's going to happen. AJ has talked to some of his contacts about money for a house, so we'll see how that goes. I'm sure Walt has some other leads. And I'm very optimistic about meeting with Dan Moission. Even if it doesn't result in a job with his company, I think it will result in an invaluable contact that will lead to a job.
Ultimately, God is leading us into our future.
And I'm the happiest I've been for at least 5 years. That *has* to count for something.
More later...
5/23/2006
Shaking
"See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven. At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, 'Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.' This phrase, "Yet once more," indicates the removal of things that are shaken--that is, things that have been made--in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain." Hebrews 12:25-28, ESV
I think I know what's going on.
First, a little background. I alluded a couple of days ago to the fact that there may be some major changes afoot. We've been invited to come be a part of a Vineyard church in Urbana, IL. I don't want to get into conjecture regarding what our role there may be, as the Lord has not revealed His plans completely. We're going to check it out in person, and then make our final decision. But I have to tell you, I've experienced more trepidation regarding this situation than I care to admit. I long for the days when I was younger and resolute. I was so decisive then.
But that was before a family...you know, back when I knew it all.
Anyway, the long and short of it is this: it came to me today when I was reading Alexander Venter's "Doing Church" (great book...). He began to speak of the verse above, of how God is shaking things within the church so that only that which cannot be shaken will remain.
I had an epiphany.
That's what He's doing to me. I've been so uptight over this process of the last couple of years, especially the last year. Now I realize that it was all because God was shaking me--shaking out all the moveable junk so that only what was immoveable remained.
My means of controlling the world around me: shaken away (kids will do that).
My pride: shaken away (did I mention I have kids?).
My position: shaken away (fortunately, I'm willingly letting it go for the Kingdom).
My security in the future: shaken away. (I have only God.)
So, we are headed off to Urbana soon. And when we return, we will know...at least where our future will be.
I think I know what's going on.
First, a little background. I alluded a couple of days ago to the fact that there may be some major changes afoot. We've been invited to come be a part of a Vineyard church in Urbana, IL. I don't want to get into conjecture regarding what our role there may be, as the Lord has not revealed His plans completely. We're going to check it out in person, and then make our final decision. But I have to tell you, I've experienced more trepidation regarding this situation than I care to admit. I long for the days when I was younger and resolute. I was so decisive then.
But that was before a family...you know, back when I knew it all.
Anyway, the long and short of it is this: it came to me today when I was reading Alexander Venter's "Doing Church" (great book...). He began to speak of the verse above, of how God is shaking things within the church so that only that which cannot be shaken will remain.
I had an epiphany.
That's what He's doing to me. I've been so uptight over this process of the last couple of years, especially the last year. Now I realize that it was all because God was shaking me--shaking out all the moveable junk so that only what was immoveable remained.
My means of controlling the world around me: shaken away (kids will do that).
My pride: shaken away (did I mention I have kids?).
My position: shaken away (fortunately, I'm willingly letting it go for the Kingdom).
My security in the future: shaken away. (I have only God.)
So, we are headed off to Urbana soon. And when we return, we will know...at least where our future will be.
5/17/2006
Testing PocketBlogger
It's time to start blogging again. I'll write more later, but major changes are afoot. In fact, after a couple of months, I may actually be able to keep this blog updated.
I'll sum it up this way. It looks as though a long-time dream of mine may be coming to pass. I'm scared as can be, as the whole situation is...well...uncomfortable. But I believe that God is in it. My wife agrees. That means it's ex-cathedra, right? ;) More later...I'm just testing PocketBlogger now to see if I can do remote posting.
I'll sum it up this way. It looks as though a long-time dream of mine may be coming to pass. I'm scared as can be, as the whole situation is...well...uncomfortable. But I believe that God is in it. My wife agrees. That means it's ex-cathedra, right? ;) More later...I'm just testing PocketBlogger now to see if I can do remote posting.
8/11/2005
On Being Bivocational...or in my case, Quadvocational
I've not kept things up here very well...but about 2.5 years ago, we took a position at a small home missions church in Menno, SD. It's a very nice little church (referring to the people...the facility is, well, sad). We had a few initial bumps in the road, but things smoothed out considerably.
I only alluded to it, for reasons unbeknownst to me, but about 5.5 months ago, we had our fourth child, Noelle. My wife has a condition called CMT that sometimes causes her excruciating pain, and this condition is exacerbated by pregnancy and childbirth. We decided after Noelle came that it was time for her to stay home instead of returning to work. A couple of weeks ago, we had a visit with the neurologist and he confirmed that we'd made the right decision, saying that keeping up with 4 kids was plenty for her.
Unfortunately, even though Elicia's job only netted her about $250-$300 a month after we paid for gas, that impact really hurt our family finances.
Back in August last year, I opened a small-time computer repair business hoping to generate some extra income. It's actually gone fairly well for me, but only has brought in between $100 and $200 on average. When Elicia was still working, that was fine and certainly helped out. But now, we find ourselves falling behind. I also deliver a regional shopper newspaper, but we use it as a way to pay allowance to our children. They help, and get paid for their efforts. We make enough to pay for our gas and that's about it. So, right now I'm in the job market again, for the first time seriously in about 8 years. It's scary, I'll tell you.
My family has never been big on taking risks, it seems. A few of us have been, but not very many of us. When I first moved to South Dakota, several people from my family thought I'd cracked. It turned out to be a great choice for me, even though some hard times have come of it. But I finally decided to swallow my fears and jump on this one. And decided to apply at Citibank in Sioux Falls. It's a great company with great benefits. I was worried, because my qualifications and experience are a little unusual--but I decided to take the risk. Last night was my pre-employment screening.
Admittedly, I was very nervous. But as we arrived at Citibank for the session, I decided that I was going to work for this company. I need to work for this company. I feel impressed that this is very important.
Well, a group of us went through the screening. They provided info about Citibank--it's a very generous company. They really take care of their own. And then came the testing. And the waiting. Finally, they began taking people in to go over the screenings. And I waited. And then I waited some more. When I was done with that, I waited for awhile.
I was one of the last two taken in. But the news is this: I'm qualified to move ahead. This is *not* a job offer. But I have an interview today. They could possibly make an offer as soon as today--if not today, then probably by Tuesday.
If you read for this, pray for me. This is a big step for me personally, and for us as a family. This job could get us completely out of "the system," provide me and mine with some much needed insurance coverage, and just generally improve a number of aspects of our lives.
And I can't help but think that a pastor who's not almost constantly stressed about money would be happier. And a happier pastor is definitely a better pastor.
Caio!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)