I want to quit. No, I mean it. I really rather suck at life right now.
I guess it must've started a year or so ago...oh, maybe even 2 years ago. I began to experience mission drift.
I must explain something...I'm as passionate about the Gospel as ever. Perhaps not so passionate about traditional evangelism...but certainly about the Gospel. I have a heart desire to impact my world with the peace and good will of Jesus Christ. That's what I want to do.
Right now I'm a pastor. I'm frustrated with pastoring, though. I love our church. I love our people--they're great. But the expectations of a traditional church/pastor setup tend to neuter the Gospel, in my opinion. The people at our church are generous givers. I wonder how much more effective their finances would be for the Gospel if they didn't have to pay for a broken-down building and an breaking-down pastor? I wonder how much more effective I would be if I didn't feel pressure to perform as a pastor...a professional...and instead could just focus on loving people. Now, I understand that my people don't expect me to do any more than that (apart from a sermon), really. But I feel a pressure to perform. I need a regular job. I need to feel like I've earned my money. So, the pressure to perform is probably more about me than anyone else. And there's pressure to perform in family as well. I want to do it all right...and I seem to end up failing at most of it.
My interests are in computers and the Gospel (duh), not traditional ministry and church polity. So I'm experiencing mission-drift.
It may be just for today.
Maybe not.
I think I
need
rest.
