So, I'm going to try for a kind of a stream-of-consciousness thing here. It's extremely late, and I'm very tired and in desperate need of sleep (I have to work tomorrow), yet I feel compelled to write. Perhaps it's the discipline of the thing. Perhaps I'm a glutton for punishment.
It's probably the latter.
Regardless, I'm here. The time is insane. And I'm writing.
I don't even know what I should write.
Perhaps it's about conflict. Lots of that nowadays.
I've been pretty conflicted lately--about, y'know, stuff. I've got a decent job, but I'm not sure I want to be a manager at a pizza joint for all of my life. Perhaps owning one wouldn't be bad, but being a manager--well... It's not the job. It's the stature, I guess. I get somewhat ashamed to tell people what I do for a living...not sure why.
"Hey, my name is Sam."
"Hi, Sam. I'm Tory. So, what do you do?"
"Well, I'm a high-level-and-extremely-well-paid computer tech at State Farm." (Everyone here works for State Farm, except for me. I just feed them.) "And you?"
"I'm an...astrophysicist. Yeah."
"Really, here? Where do you do that around here?"
"I'm on...sabbatical. Yeah. Advanced brain work, heh, it's a recipe for burn-out, you know? So, I decided to take a break and...I'm filling in as a manager at a pizza joint. Yeah."
"So, how much longer will you be on sabbatical?"
Bloom where you're planted, Sherlock. Bloom where you're planted.
The problem is that I really don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I spent about a decade as a pastor--and about half of that was a good experience. The other half was something akin to living in the bottom of a baby's diaper...but I won't go there (for the sake of time).
So, let's do a little inventory. Years and years ago (yes, I'm getting older), I could program computers. I do some desktop publishing and web design (basic stuff--nothing modern). I can fix computers. I've been a "professional" pastor. I do customer service. I've been a recording artist and record producer. Now, I'm a manager at a pizza joint. Oh, and I did oil changes and tire repairs as a teenager.
I'm a jack of all trades and a master of none.
Now, what do I like to do? Well, the common thread through there is computers, but I really prefer the creative stuff to the mundane. Specifically, I'm into "usability" and "human user interfaces" on anything from computers to toasters. I'm very passionate about mobile tech--especially the kind that gets work done. I like to cook really good food. And I like art of all kinds. I'm into faith--but the practical kind that people can really use. Oh, and I like to write.
What does it all add up to? A mess, that's what. One big, funny mess.
So, I've thought about going back to school for programming--but the barrier is money and time (kids and wife...gotta take care of them, too).
I've thought about culinary arts school--but don't want to sell my soul to a restaurant.
And I've thought about going back into ministry, professionally--but I'm not sure that's where I'd be truly happy, either.
Writing. Yeah, right.
My conclusion? For now, I guess, I should bloom where I'm planted. And figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm tired of bouncing around, trying things. I'd really like a career that's dynamic, consistently challenging, and lucrative. Ministry fits some of those things, but carries with it a series of headaches I'm not sure I want to deal with. And it's rarely lucrative.