On Starting Over...

You know, I'm really not that scared anymore. Maybe part of it is that I realize the inevitability of our relocation and new life. The wheels are set in motion, and it's really too late to stop them now. Not that I really want to stop them, mind you. Change is never easy, and change for the sake of change is just plain dumb.

But this isn't that.

For me, this move is more about starting my family. "What?" you ask. "Don't you already have a family? Doesn't four kids qualify as a 'family'?" Well, yes. It exists, but I've not really been part of it. I've been the sometimes-benevolent dictator of the home--the final authority. But "being there" is not something that's come as a part of that process. I'm too tired. I'm too busy. I'm too...occupied. The cobbler's children have no shoes. The preacher's children have no dad. It's not that I sacrifice them for the ministry--it's just that I have to work so much to stay "in the ministry" that we lose so much of what makes us a family. Yeah, there were other alternatives. We chose Illinois. Why? It seemed right...and my kids need a dad.

So, we're going to move out there and get a job. What stops this from happening again? It's simple, really. My reason for working changes. No longer will I work to support my ministry, as I've done for many years. I will work to support my family. I will work to afford vacations and fun...and to support ministry. Yes, we'll still do ministry. But it won't be my primary reason for being. My reasons will change. I will be...

• A child of God. His son.
• A husband to my wife. Yes, honey, we will date. :-)
• A be-there dad for my kids.
• A friend. This is something I've never been good at. My thanks goes out to all of my friends over the years that I've totally neglected. I love all of you and miss you all--thank you for sticking with me even when I was a lousy friend in return.
• A life-minister of the Gospel. When you nail down a definition for that, let me know. For now, I'm just going to try doing it.
  

So, that's why I'm moving to Illinois. And I'm not scared anymore because all that stuff sounds like an immense amount of fun. And doing ministry because I want to...the idea just thrills me to no end. No paycheck. No board. Just Jesus, the community, and me.

Yeah, I'm liking that.